Revenge Of The Kurotan
by Spirit's Whisper
Summary: This is the song that never ends..." What do cold showers, late night drinks, and various pranks have to do with the revenge of the Kuro-tan? Read and find out! Review to suggest your own pranks. Kuro/Fai if you squint hard enough. Written for Keiyou.
1. When Pigs Fly

Disclaimer: Yeah, CLAMP wishes they could come up with crack like this. -wink- Ahem, yeah, I don't own anything.

AN: At the moment this is a drabble but if I get five reviews or more I'll continue to add chapters. Keiyou's my beta.

* * *

"This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and and on my friends." Sang an exceedingly off key mage, his voice cracking at what could only be the loudest possible points in the song.

"Kami be damned idiot..." Kurogane muttered, turning over and using his pillow to try and block out the horrific torture that was spewing from the bathroom. "...five in the flipping morning..."

"They started singing it, not knowing what it was-"

He turned again, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to suppress the urge to kill. Tomoyo would be proud that he'd let the idiot live this long in the first place. "Who the hell s_ings _in the shower at _five_ in the morning?" He grumbled again and turned the other direction, pulling the blanket up over his head. The idiot had been up all night drinking with the rest of them, why couldn't he just have a hangover like a normal person?

"-and they'll continue singing it-"

Kurogane sighed. It felt like he had enough of a hangover for the both of them. "Probably used some perverse kind of magic to give me his..."

"-forever just _beeecaauuse-_"

He paused suddenly as the blonde drew the word out, hoping with everything he had that maybe, just maybe, this was the end of his damn tirade.

"-this is the song- That. Nev-Er. Ends!" He shouted even louder than before and possibly a bit farther off key.

"Oh for the love of all that is sane!" Kurogane stood suddenly, fully intent on killing the idiot. It took him a moment to get to the door, swaying, as he'd only just fallen asleep two hours ago and was possibly still a little drunk himself.

Throwing open the bathroom door he glared at the mage. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" He growled.

"Oh, Kuro-tan!" Fai gasped, trying to cover himself with the shower curtain in a show of mock modesty, a purely innocent smile spreading from one side of his face to the other as if he knew just exactly what he'd done wrong. "Have you finally decided to join me and come of over to the dark side?"

Kurogane gave a smirk of his own, "When pigs fly." and pressed down the handle on the toilet before turning to leave.

"What was-" The mage finished with a loud shriek as the water suddenly went from steaming hot to ice cold in seconds.

Kurogane chuckled and laid back down to dream sweet dreams of revenge and silent mages.


	2. Queen Fuzzy Legs

Disclaimer: Yes I'm four wemon who get to read, write, and watch anime all day long and I get paid for it...

NOT!

CLAMP owns everything including the soul of every KuroFai fan.

AN: Blame Keiyou and her ebil, ebil quotes. They're just too darn funny to pass up. PS: Too lazy too spell check. I'll fix it tomorrow.

* * *

Fai smirked to himself as he remembered the incident from this morning. Well, okay, maybe he wasn't smiling about that _precisely_. He hadn't really enjoy the sudden burst of cold water in his morning shower but he did enjoy the wonderful opportunity Kurogane had unknowingly gifted him with.

The ninja had retaliated.

This meant war.

"Uh, Fai-san, what are you planning on doing with that?" Syoaran asked, looking a little sheepish as he tried to keep his distance.

"Huh? Oh, this?"

The boy nodded, taking a step back when the mage held his hands out to him.

"Nothing." He smirked evilly. "Queen Fuzzy Legs is a present for Kuro-sleepy to make up for Mommies bad behavior this morning." The smirk grew.

"But..." Sakura started, a worried look on her face but then seemed to think better of it. After all, did she really want to know about it? "Actually, never mind. Maybe Syoaran and I should go set the table for breakfast."

"Thank you, Sakura-chan."

"Don't mention it, Fai-san. Really." She looked a little distressed.

"No problem." Fai winked. He knew how bad the ninja's temper could be when it really got going.

"Wait." Syoaran said before she could tug him away. "Before we go... are you really _sure_that's going to be something Kurogane-san... _likes_?"

Clearly the poor boy had missed the entire under-script of his and Sakura's conversation. He'd have to teach him to read between the lines one of these days. "Oh, yes. I've done my research."

* * *

Moments Kurogane came walking in the door, a newspaper held in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. This morning he'd woken up, the second time around, to a blissfully quiet house with the mage nowhere to be seen and hopefully sulking someplace over his ruined shower.

Yes, that was a thought worth smiling over. He was definitely in a good mood now.

That was until he saw the mage sitting by himself in the living room. The blond sat cross legged on the floor, his hands held over something as he whispered and cooed to whatever it was.

_'This can only mean trouble.'_He contemplated his chances of backing out unnoticed but decided against it. He'd have to come back eventually after all. "Oi, idiot, what've you got there?"

Fai turned to him, beaming, and held out his hands. "Kurogane..."

_'Oh, shit.'_ This had to be serious.

* * *

The was the moment he'd been waiting for.

"Kurogane..." He started very seriously, trying with some difficulty to tone down his smile. "I'm very sorry for my inconsiderate behavior this morning. It was rude of me to be shouting like that when I knew you were trying to sleep."

The ninja blinked, clearly taken aback. "Oh."

"To make it up to you I went out and bought you a present. Please accept it with my humblest of apologies."

"Uhm..."

Fai reveled in that moment of unguarded uncertainty and held his hands up a little higher before opening them.

Kurogane froze.

"I've been calling her Queen Fuzzy Legs or Q.F.T. for short but you can give her another name if you'd like." He smiled innocently, trying his damndest not to chuckle as the ninja paled.

"What. The. _Hell_. Is. _That_?"

"I just told you, silly. Her name is Queen-"

"Not who, _what_! As in 'what' the hell is _that_?"

Not laughing became a real choir when his voice suddenly rose up another octave at the end of that demand. With the children gingerly peeking out from the kitchen door he decided to step up his performance by standing and holding his hands out further nearly cracking when Kuro-spaz involuntarily backed up a step. "She's just a harmless little tarantula." He demonstrated by petting her fondly.

"Keep that _thing_ away from me!"

"Oh, don't worry, I don't think she's poisonous." He took another step towards him, offering him the hairy creature like one would a peace offering. He took another two steps back, gritting his teeth. "Why, Kuro-tan, don't you want her?" He tried to act innocent but knew he'd screwed up as soon as the ninja's eyes narrowed.

* * *

As soon as the idiot butchered his name he knew he was up to something. "You..." He growled, newspaper clutched in his hands.

"Hey, Kuro-chii, how're you gonna read your newspaper all rolled up like-"

_**-THWAP!-**_

With that the proud ninja turned to leave, forgetting one of the most important rules on the battle field in his haste to be away from the freakish little creature- and the spider too.

_Never turn your back on your enemy._

"Oh, Kuro-scardy-ballerina?"

"What the did you just call..." He started to turn but it was too late. The mage had already dropped Queen Fuzzy Abomination down the back of his shirt.

"GAH!"


	3. Unicorn PJ's

Disclaimer: If only. :)

* * *

Kurogane smiled as he folded the laundry and neatly put it in one of the travel bags, careful not to let _these_ specific cloths get mixed in with the others.

Yes, he, Kurogane the mighty ninja, had enjoyed doing the laundry, but poor little Sakura-chan... he thought her eyes were going to fall out of her head when he volunteered to take the chore off her hands.

_'It's all good though,'_ he mused. _'that kid's smarter than she lets on. Probably already knows what I'm up to.' _

"Kurogane-san, have you seen my..." Syaoran started to say, interrupting his thoughts. "Oh, never mind. I found them." He said picking up his laundry bag, having just come in after training and looking for something clean to wear.

Surely the blond would be coming in next, and as if on cue...

"Hyuu! Is Kuro-daddy doing laundry?" The mage came skipping through.

"Shut up." He growled without looking up. He refused to even acknowledge the idiot after the whole spider incident. The stupid piece of crap had turned out to be made of rubber the whole time. _'Oh, how tempted I was...' _

"Aww, Kuro-puppy is finally becoming domesticated. I suppose this'll mean we'll have to get you fixed soon to take care of that temper of yours." Fai mused with a thoughtful finger on his chin.

_'Scratch that last thought, how tempted I_ am_ tempted to kill_...' "You need something, mage?" He asked, keeping his tone even and his eyes on the task at hand. It didn't help that he was currently folding a tiny, Sakura sized shirt and failing miserably with his big hands.

"Nope." He gave an aggravating smile. "Just came to grab my cloths." With that he took his bag and left as flamboyantly as he had come, skipping all the way.

Sakura came in next, thankfully taking her pile of cloths off his hands and folding them herself. She was figiting and it took a moment before he realized she was trying to get up the nerve to ask him something.

"Out with it already."

Another moment passed before she seemed able to gather her words. "Kurogane-san, you're not thinking about doing something mean to F-"

She never managed to finish as an oddly colored blond bullet suddenly came out of nowhere and wrapped his arms around the ninja's neck. Thank goodness he'd been prepared for such a reaction. "Oh, Kuro-poo! Did you do this? I _love_ it!" He practically squealed before taking off to prance in his newly dyed _pink_ clothing.

Sakura-chan giggled while Mokona sang in her lap, happily dancing to the same insane rhythm the mage was. "Fai-san is so pretty!" The little creature chimed.

"Uh, Kurogane-san..." Syaoran turned to him, looking a little bemused himself. "I hate to say it but if that was you getting him back... that sucked." He tried to hold in a chuckle himself as the blond did a little twirl.

Kurogane just smiled and went back to folding what he hoped were Sakura's unicorn PJ's. "Just wait for it." He whispered, the dye was only to keep the mage from noticing the _real_ problem.

That's when they all noticed that the singing had suddenly stopped and Fai was standing at an awkward angle, trying to reach some invisible spot on his back with one arm over the other shoulder and the other arm bent back behind him. "Ne, Kuro-chan... what'd you dye these with?"

The ninja kept folding the laundry, taking his sweet time to answer. "It's not the dye." He handed the princess the offensive PJ's which she sadly handed to a blushing Syaoran.

Everyone waited for him to continue and when he didn't Fai began to whine. "Kuro... what _is it_ already?" He turned towards them now, reaching up his sleeves to scratch his arms, one of his feet absently digging at the other.

He folded another shirt before answering him. "Itching powder."

"What?"

"What?"

_"What?!"_ Their voices rang out in unison, one reaching a higher pitch than the two prepubescent's.

"Itching powder." He repeated matter of factly.

"Kuro-sneak, that's just evil!" Fai almost sounded a little proud if not a bit more than a bit shocked. Clearly he hadn't expected the ninja to stoop to that level.

"Oh, and mage..." Kurogane said, handing another stack to Sakura, finally meeting the others eyes. "It's in your boxers too."

Fai's eyes went wide moments before he took off towards the bathroom faster than anyone had ever seen him run before.

"Wonder if I should tell him water makes it worse?"


	4. Daddy Kurotan?

**Disclaimer:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ....no... I don't own it. I never will.

* * *

They had a truce.

A very _temporary_ truce if his trust in the blond was anything to go by and they only had this 'truce' because Sakura insisted that he'd been overly 'mean' to the mage what with "Poor, Fai-chan" dealing with a rather nasty rash for over three days.

_'Che, not my fault the idiot didn't believe me when I said the water would make it worse.'_

There was one little, highly annoying, downside to his plan though. The mage really _had _taken a liking to the new hue of his cloths much to Kurogane's chagrin, especially when the idiot was flaunting his hot pink jeans and T all the way to the grocery store and back. He didn't think he'd would ever have that many people looking in his direction at once until the idiot offered to push the cart.

Said offer included such sound effects as "Beep, beep!" and "Hyuu!" when they rounded every corner.

Fortunately, _that _experience was over now with minimal cursing on his part and only having to pay for a few conveniently broken bottles of sake that the mage insisted were "conspiring to rule the world with squirrels and force everyone to eat stinky cheese three times a day."

Kurogane cringed at the memory and thanked Kami once more that it was over and if his luck persisted he wouldn't have to go shopping with the mage ever again. Right now they were walking down a fairly uninhabited street, each carrying a few plastic bags, saying nothing.

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

"Alright, what the hell are you plot- _oof!_" Kurogane never finished his accusation though as out of nowhere a kid rounded the corner too quick and ran right into his leg before tumbling back down to land on the sidewalk. "Hey, watch where you're going runt."

"I'm not a runt, you ass-" The kid paused, looking up at him with wide red eyes. "_Dad?! _What are you doing here?"

Kurogane's own eyes shot wide. "What the hell did you call me?"

Fai smirked, looking from one to the other, a guise of confusion crossing his secretly amused features. "Nani?"

The boy turned to look up at him, brows knitting together in an odd look. "I thought you said mom wasn't allowed to wear pink anymore?"

The ninja's eye twitched not once but twice before he teetered backwards, his unconscious body falling to lay unmoving on the ground.

Silence reined for a long moment before "That was... unexpected." Fai had to clutch his side to keep his barely suppressed laughter from bursting forth.

"That wasn't anything. That was just pathetic." The kid mused bluntly before getting up and dusting his pants off. He held his hand out to Fai. Waiting.

"Ah, yes." The mage dug into his pocket briefly before counting out ten dollars into the boy's hand. "As promised, here you go."

He looked at his palm with disdain and then back up to the blond. "Ahem." He held his hand back out. "He passed out. You owe me double."

Fai chuckled sheepishly. "So I do." He dug back into his pocket. "I have to admit, I thought it would have taken a lot more to... do that, but you managed. Here you go." He dropped another ten in his hands, smiling. "Before you go though, what's your name?"

The boy counted the money twice to be sure before crossing his arms and looking at him evenly. "Youou, what of it?"

"Nothing, just curious. For a moment there I really thought you were-"

"Well, I'm not so quit looking at me like that." The boy snarled before leaving Fai alone to try to rouse the unconscious ninja with a bemused chuckle.

"Whatever you say, Chibi-kun."

* * *

**~ Omake - One Hour Later ~**

"You-chan's so sweet!" A little blond boy wrapped his arms about his neck tightly, trying belatedly not to get any strawberry in his hair as he did so. "But I wonder, where _did _you get the money for all this ice cream?"

"None of your business. Now get the heck off me before someone sees you, idiot!" Pause. "And don't call me that! It's Youou. You-ou, damnit. Get it right."

"Hyuu, hyuu! Yes, sir, Youou Damnit Kurogane-san-sensei-puppy-chan sir." The blond mock saluted with a giggle.

The red eyed boy just shook his head. "Idiot."

* * *

**Author's Note:** I've read two different things for Kurogane's first name but since this one was easier to spell so... yeah. Anyway, sorry this took so terribly long to update. If you're interested in 'why' I haven't been updating my stories like I used to just read the note at the top of chapter 12 in my story Touch of Ice. I promise they're all good reasons. If there's a specific torture you'd like me to put our favorite Tsubasa guys through please let me know.

Special thanks to Lil White Raven for reminding me this story needed my attention.

Spirit: I wonder if this counts as crack or fluff?

Keiyou: Crack.

Spirit: But there's the fluff...

Keiyou: Fluff then.

Spirit: But then we're forgetting the crack. Fluffy crack?

Keiyou: No, it'd be cracky fluff cause you have the crack first and then the fluff.

Spirit: ... -giggles-

Review please!


	5. Bare Miscalculations

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. -cries in a corner before getting distracted by a shiny object and running away to munch ramen-

**Author's Note:** You reviewers are so incredibly awesome. I honestly didn't expect such a fantastic response from last chapter- at least not that quickly. Lol. But since you're all so awesome I have another chapter here ready for you. There was a bit of a mental debate on which prank I wanted to post next but I think I want to space out the really good ones so hopefully this chappie lives up to the standards I've set. :) Also, a new chapter of Touch of Ice is on it's way out- promise. Give me just a few more days on that one.

* * *

Kurogane was sitting in a nice comfy chair, with a nice hot cup of coffee, and the sports section open and waiting for his attention. The house was quite. Utterly and perfectly quiet. The kids were out doing the shopping this time since Kurogane had nearly killed the mage after he'd figured out what happened last time- not to mention waking up with a tiara on his head and permanent marker squiggles all over his face.

Just thinking about it made his blood pressure rise so he put the thought aside- calmly, and started reading the newspaper all set for a relaxing few hours of silence.

Why on earth would Kurogane expect such a thing given the track record from these previous few days?

Because he was a sneaky ninja. That's why.

_'That and I expect the idiot to be stuck in the bathroom until the kids get back.' _He grinned appreciatively at his plan.

While the mage was in the shower he'd flicked the lock and grabbed his cloths, hiding them in a loose ceiling tile. Not only that but he'd taken Fai's bag, cloak, everything else from the dresser, and anything of his the skinny man could possibly try to fit into and hid them in other various parts of the house he assumed the other wouldn't even think to look.

He chuckled to himself, relaxing back in the chair to enjoy the day ahead of him.

A few minutes later he heard the bathroom door open and glanced up to a very perplexed looking blond with a towel wrapped around himself in the same fashion girls do. Kurogane rolled his eyes and went back to reading his paper only peeking up every now and again to truly enjoy his little ploy.

Fai mumbled something under his breath as he checked the top of the dresser and then back in the bathroom, clearly wondering how his cloths had just up and walked away. "Strange...they should have been..."

Giving up he started to sort through the drawers only have his face fall deeper into confusion when he couldn't find anything of his after sorting through them. In fact he didn't see anything of Kuro's he could steal in the mean time either. "Hmm." He frowned, eyes scanning one end of the room to other in his search for something, _anything_, to wear.

His eyes fell on Kurogane who quickly went back to reading his paper without a comment. The mage's eyes narrowed as he walked up to the other.

"This is another prank isn't it?"

The ninja didn't even bother too look up, taking another slow sip of coffee before he answer. "Yep." He replied casually.

"Good, because if it wasn't I'd have to assume you were trying to get me naked."

Kurogane looked up at the other, face carefully blank. "Nope." He took another sip of coffee, preparing to go back to reading. Short answers were best after all, they gave the other less to work with but before his eyes could go back to the article he'd been reading a devious smile crossed the mage's face- a final fleeting sign of warning.

"Good. Then this won't phase you in the least."

Before the ninja could even half contemplate what the words meant the blond dropped his towel and proceeded to do all his usual house work- in the buff.

Kurogane nearly choked on his coffee, slapping a hand across his face to avoid seeing what he was seeing and thanking Kami among all the other gods he could name that the children were still out shopping.

* * *

Later that night Kurogane tried very hard to relax in the shower, letting the hot water melt away all the tension of these past few weeks had dumped on him but it just wasn't working. He'd double checked the lock on the door, placing a chair in front of it, and occasionally glancing outside the curtain to make sure his cloths were still there.

_'You're being paranoid.' _He told himself, taking a deep breath. He was a ninja, a master of stealth and the best in Tomoyo's forces. There was no way in hell that loud mouthed mage was going to get in here _and _steal his cloths without being noticed- not to mentioned maimed. That and the kids were home, so far they'd had a non-spoken, non-negotiable rule that the kids weren't to be involved in this little battle of theirs and that included not seeing either of them running around in the nude as the result of a prank.

He sighed, mind soothed for the moment, and finished up the rest of his shower in peace. When he finished he found his cloths missing and one of Sakura's little pink dresses sitting on the sink waiting for him.

"That son of a...!"

* * *

**~ Omake - Cause you were all so awesome about the last one. ~**

Off on the other side of the house, far from the tyrannical shouting of the ninja, a mage lay sleeping, his head filled with peaceful dreams of rabid squirrels and bouncing neon green Mokonas. He knew he was perfectly safe letting his guard down despite how angry the other would be, Kurogane was _not _about to come out here wearing what had been left him- a courtesy on his part, not with the children home anyway.

And if he did... well, Fai always had a backup plan.

_'You're not the only one who knows how to make itching powder, my dear Kuro-tan.'_

He grinned and rolled back over, snuggling deeper into the red and black cloak he'd oh, so, conveniently found.

* * *

**Author's Note:** If you're interested in seeing the fan art that inspired the Omake in the last chapter please visit the homepage listed in my profile and scroll down to a post titled "best fowends" I totally blame Keiyou-my-sister-beta-chan for that one. Also, if you visit my homepage (it's still new mind you) you'll find a poll in the sidebar in reference to little Kuro and Fai of last chapter. Fan art for this chapter and last chapter coming soon.


	6. Mmm, Coconut

**Disclaimer:** Guess what?! ... I don't own it. News, huh? I thought not. Lol.

**Author's Note:** I meant to have this out much sooner but my business email was totally deleted by Yahoo on 'accident' and I've been busy these past few days trying to piece everything back together, get things transferred, and combing through all my old site comments in hopes of resurrecting all the emails I lost. So far I've recollected maybe 70%. My email for those of you from here is still the same though so don't fret too much.

By the way, you people are so awesome. I'm not talking about just the reviews for this story but I see a lot of your names crossing over between this fic and a few of my others and I just wanted to say thank you. You all boost my ego so much and help me improve my writing more than I can ever truly explain. My writing is my life, hell, it's my night job and this is like my practice range so thank you- especially those of you who leave the overly blunt reviews or the reviews telling me exactly what you like and don't like. I really appreciate it.

To make up for my late update- I give you the longest chapter of this fic yet. Enjoy.

* * *

_'I think I've finally won.'_ Fai mused as he slipped into the shower. These things really were a godsend. Hot water that cascaded down from above? It was perfectly ingenious. In his home world they had all kinds of spells to keep themselves clean and while they were efficient they were certainly nothing like this. Going back to his present thoughts, though _'Kuro-chan hasn't tried anything for three whole days. Either he's waiting or he's finally given up.'_

He smirked at that thought. On the one hand he doubted the ninja would just concede defeat- it wasn't in his nature, but on the other hand their pranks had been starting to rise up on a whole new level and he wasn't sure if his big puppy could handle it. Either way, if the ninja continued to prank him or if he didn't it wouldn't be any matter to Fai. If Kuro-pinky continued then he would continue as well but if he didn't... well, he'd just have to go and find a new game to irritate the poor ninja with.

He gave a little laugh and let the thoughts melt away for now as he poured some shampoo into his hand, giving it a tentative sniff. _'Mmm, coconut.' _He lathered it in thinking after a moment that it must have been some very potent stuff.

_'Bleh, feels greasy.' _Making sure to rinse his hair thoroughly he adds a dollop of conditioner for good measure- also coconut, and lathers it in generously. _'Still feels strange, must be my imagination.'_

Getting out of the shower he goes up to the mirror wipes the steam away with a corner of his towel. With a blow drying in one hand, another ingenious invention, and a brush in the other he starts in on his hair before immediately hitting a snarl.

He frowned.

Even in the worst of times knots of any sort were a rarity for him and his hair was never disheveled, not even in the best of wind storms. He took great pride in that fact and when the brush still wouldn't go through he cursed, leaning in close to the mirror to get a better look at the damage. What he saw made his stomach drop.

A sticky substance was hardening in places all over his golden locks.

He jumped back in the shower, this time grabbing Sakura's strawberry shampoo- he'd buy her a new bottle later, and pouring a generous amount into his hands. Scrubbing and rubbing it across his scalp until he finally feels the sticky substance give way he let's out a sigh of relief, pausing to enjoy the last of hot water before he gets out.

Turning off the shower, he jumps out and goes straight back to the mirror and...

_'What the heck?!'_

There's even more of the sticky substance in his hair this time around and the more it drip dries the worse it seems to get. He grips the edge of sink, a growl in the back of his throat, before jumping back in the shower _again_ and trying to rinse the stuff out with straight water even if the hot water is running out but it only seems to be getting worse and "Why the hell does it still smell like coconut?!"

* * *

Kurogane chuckled. The idiot had been in the shower since about five and it was nearing seven thirty as they all sat around the table eating breakfast. He'd made a severe miscalculation before. The idiot didn't care _who_ saw him, not really, but he did care _how _people saw him and whether it was on his terms.

In other words...

A little vanity never hurt anyone-

Except the one possessing it.

Earlier this morning he'd gotten up at the wee hours of daybreak to sneak into the bathroom for a little 'maintenance work' which involved removing the shower head and slipping a few chunks of hard candy inside before replacing it. He'd chosen coconut because it was clear and thus bound not to give to give himself away. He'd wanted to find candy without a scent if he could, hell he would have used plain sugar if he wasn't concerned about it jamming up the drain, but he didn't think the mage would catch on too quickly if he suddenly smelled fruit. A guy like him would probably be happy about it.

He grinned again at the path his thoughts took and shoveled another sporkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth. They could all hear the mage by now as the shower turned on and off at random intervals along with the blow dryer. There was shuffling and grumbling and if her wasn't mistaken there might even have been a curse or two.

It must have been so because a few minutes later the princess knocked tentatively on the door. "Fai-san? Are you alright?"

A long moment of silence passed throughout the kitchen as they waited before the door opened, revealing a very oddly put together mage. His clothes were in shambles from neck to foot but most prominently around his shoulders where water spots dotted here and there but that wasn't the worst of his disheveled appearance. His hair was a half dried frizzy mass that stuck together in clumps on top of his head.

It almost made it easy to miss the horridly ridiculous smile that lit up his face.

"Of course, Sakura-chan. What would make you think otherwise?" He said cheerfully from the doorway.

She blinked, eyes wide. "F-Fai-san... you..." She shook her head unsure of how to convey her thoughts or even if she should. Maybe he just didn't note? It was possible to get of the shower and not look in the mirror. Right?

Syaoran coughed discreetly into his hand and gave it a go. "Your... your hair is... uhm..."

Fai shrugged, still smiling, and idly picked at a matted bit between his fingers. "Oh, this?" He mused before walking to the stove and grabbing the coffee pot. He spoke slowly as he poured the rich brown liquid into the mug and stirring in a spoonful or two of sugar. "Yes, well... hmmm." He half smiled to himself before deciding to add another two spoonfuls as the scent of coffee and coconut wafted up to dominate the kitchen sweetly. "I'm not entirely sure what happened." He confessed, going to the fridge and sifting through the contents.

Kurogane watched him carefully. If this didn't phase the idiot he wasn't sure what would but the way he was acting... and that damn smile...

The mage looked disdainfully at the fridge a moment longer before changing his mind and opening the freezer. "But- if I absolutely had to guess, I would say it had something to do with our dear Kuro-lamp shade over there." He clicked his tongue and dropped two ice cubes into the cup before stirring in _another _spoonful of sugar. "But that just couldn't be so." He finished dubiously as he leant against the counter, sipping his drink before deciding to pop in another ice cube for good measure.

No one say _anything_. Fai looked at Kurogane, cheerfully boring holes into the back of his head while the children stared between the two of them unsure if they should intervene or just run awhile. The ninja didn't move at all, just kept eating breakfast like nothing had been said. He wasn't going to deny it but neither was he going to apologize. Slowly, he turned to the blond, watching in disgust as he put in yet another spoon of sugar into what was once perfectly good coffee. Kami, he couldn't imagine how the idiot could drink stuff like that.

"Why's that?" He said, finally taking the bait.

The blond smiled, still leaning against the counter and stirring his drink before adding one last ice cube. "Because Kuro-Coconut doesn't like sweet things." He replied simply.

Kurogane shrugged nonchalantly. "Guess it depends on my mood."

"How quaint." He smirked, walking up and dumping his watered down, sickly, sticky, sweet cold coffee right on the ninja's head "Mine too." and walked away.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Updates on all my other stories can be found via my homepage plus a poll for this nice little fic here. :) Also, my sis-chan made a little bit of fanart for chapter before last in you're interested. In a few hours or a few days she'll also have a comic strip for this chapter done so don't forget to check back often.

Lastly, I didn't re-read this over as many times as I should have before getting it out so please forgive my mistakes. Also, for those of you looking to Sakura and Syaoran and wondering why they aren't playing a bigger part in this story... don't fret. -evil grin- Those children are a lot more involved than they look.


	7. Fuggen Eafer Eggs!

**Disclaimer:** If you think I own this then you're a class A moron. Congratulations. :)

**Author's Note:** Guess what, people? Only six more chapters left!

It could be more depending on how I space the last little bit out but I'm thinking I want to bring you the awesomeness all at once. You've all been such awesome reviewers and I think you deserve it. At most there will be eight more chapters but I'm really thinking it'll be more like six so please enjoy and know that not all is as it seems. Alas, this chappie isn't quite as long as the last one- I'm always aiming for a higher word count than the last but I don't want to stress it. Adding more words where I don't need them does nothing for the quality of the writing.

Warnings for 'suggested' language if there is such a thing.

* * *

Easter. What an extraordinary holiday. He decided he like it. A lot. So much in fact that he would make sure they celebrated it every year no matter what world they were in.

Why?

Why bother asking?

It's a holiday dedicated to eating candy (without going door to door), cute fuzzy animals that resembled Mokona (without the bottomless pit factor), bright cheerful colors, and painting food before hiding it. Why wouldn't he want to continue practicing it? Minus hiding the eggs part of course, there was no telling how bad things could get if one or more of the hidden eggs weren't found before their expiration date.

To celebrate the holiday he'd bought a whole basket of of little chocolate Easter eggs with caramel filling. They weren't cheap but they were worth it and the kids deserved a nice little treat after searching so hard these past few days, not to mention putting up with his and Kuro-plots antics, that and they were so prettily wrapped in colored tinfoil. Colorful _and _shiny!

Each of them seemed to have a favorite color so far, himself preferring the blue ones- naturally, and Syaoran the green while Sakura seemed to only eat the ones wrapped in pink. Now, before setting the bowl out, and leaving them to devour it, he made sure to advise the kids carefully not to touch the ones wrapped in silver.

Curious, and preferring a little of each color, Mokona had been the first to ask. "Why not?"

Fai smiled. He was prepared for the question. "Because those are the sugar free ones..." He said, pointing to the tiny print almost imperceptible on the tin. "...and they're bound to taste terrible to those of us who enjoy the sweet treats in life. That and Kuro-party-pooper doesn't like sweet things so it's only _fair _to leave them _all _to him."

Sakura smiled, seeming to think things were looking up between the two. "And this means if we each stick to eating our own colors then we'll each get an even amount... unless Moko-chan picks a favorite and eats them all." She gave the little creature a mock serious look and tapped her foot.

"Of course, Sakura-chan!" Fai clapped though he secretly suspected that she just wanted to keep all the pink wrapping paper for herself and make something out of it later.

Over the next few days the candies disappeared one by one- all except the little silver ones and even the kids thought it odd. Not that Kurogane hadn't touched them was odd, he was probably waiting till no one was looking and could accuse him of liking anything that Fai bought. No, what was odd was the Mokona actually hadn't touched the silver ones at all.

At first the children assumed it was because of what Fai said and that the little creature just wasn't fond of sugar free things but the more they thought about it the more it didn't seem right. Mokona was a bottomless pit who ate everything unless he knew better...

The next day they figured it out.

* * *

"Whud da hell is wrong wif m'fuggen mouf?!"

The children froze where they sat eating lunch when Kurogane came barreling in the kitchen, looking all but panicked. "Wher da hell is fad 'toodpid idiot?"

Syaoran blinked and turned to look at his princess who in turn turned to look at him before they both tried once more to meet the ninja's eyes without cracking up.

They failed.

Miserably.

And then the princess fell out of her chair.

"I- I'm sorry, Kurogane-san, but..." Syaoran started first, quickly digressing in another fit of chuckles as he went. "But... whatever you just said... it was... it was so..." He gave up, putting his head on the counter, shoulders and whole back shaking from trying not to laugh out loud.

Sakura tried to finish where he left off even though she was still on the floor holding her ribs and gasping for air. "Funny. Just..." -giggle- "...too funny and you- you said it _so _seriously too!"

The ninja tried hard not to growl, keeping in mind that these were only children and thus not subject to his wrath- that and they weren't the real target. The real target was the dumb blond who'd sabotaged his food and he'd say as much if it wasn't bound to come out sounding like gibberish. He took a breath and started again, slowly. "I sad-" He paused, gripping the counter for patience before begining again. "I _sed _wher is da maje? He did somfin to my mouf."

In less time than it took to say it Syaoran was lost on the floor with his princess who had tears streaming down her face.

This time he did growl, quickly getting their attention even as they struggled to keep it. Again he spoke slowly. "Do. Eefer. Ov. You. Know. Whud. He. Did. To. Da. Eafer. Candy?"

The two looked at him blankly for a long moment before Syaoran plucked up his courage. "I- I'm sorry. I don't have a clue what you just said." He looked sheepish. "Maybe you if you asked Mokona-"

Kurogane shook his head. "Ifs not a langidge problum. I fink da maje pud somfin in da candy. My whole mouf is nummd."

Sakura spoke up next, still wiping the tears from her eyes and seeming to have actually understood what had been said and catching on to the whole situation. "No, it's not a language thing but Mokona still might know what happened because just before you came down here he ran and hid."

The ninja's eyes narrowed. "Wher'd id go?"

She bit her lip, unsure if she should divulge the information but a quick glance at the table top told him more than he needed to know and faster than the little creature could move he had it hanging by it's ears in his grip. "Tattle tale! Tattle tale!" The high pitched squeak filled the kitchen.

"Wher is he?"

"On a bus across town." A vein in his head twitched.

"An whud'da idiot do?"

"Fai filled all the sugar free candies with Oragel and..."

"An?" He pressed, face turning a murderous shade of crimson.

"And it's suppose to make your mouth go numb for the next couple of hours."

* * *

Fai was not the sort of person to hold a grudge. He was was much too happy and flighty to even consider such a thing, so- when Kuro-froof decided to mess with his hair he decided to get even right away... which was why he was on a bus heading across town until he was sure his red eyed ninja wasn't going to kill him.

Nevertheless,... he couldn't help but smile as he imagined hearing said ninja shouting.

"Whud da fug is Or-jel and why da hell did he pud'id in da fuggin Eafer eggs?!"

* * *

**Author's Note:** For those of you who don't know Oragel is a medication you can buy without a prescription. It comes in a gel form and you put it on your gums and teeth when they hurt and you can't get to the dentist. It doesn't really have any taste and if you're not careful you can numb your entire tongue with it if you use too much. To top it off, if you use the extra strength stuff... it can last a good little while depending on how much you've taken.

Keiyou and I almost made my husband a test subject for the sake of fic, we were going to make him use half a travel tube of Oragel to see just how someone would talk- I've used the stuff before but never the amount suggested here, and let me tell you it was really hard on my spell check to go over all of this, lol. Also, please never try this prank on anyone. You shouldn't directly eat Oragel and while I'm sure it's no worse than accidently swallowing a glob of toothpaste (eww!) I'm sure it can't be good for you.


End file.
